Fathers Are A Nightmare
by ilovetvalot
Summary: Long awaited sequel to "Mothers Are a Nightmare". Written with Tonnie2001969...Mayhem ensues when both mama and daddy show up for the bachelor/bachelorette parties of JJ/Rossi. Come join the fun! CHAPTER 11 is M. NCIS crossover with Gibbs, Abby, and Tony.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Hope you all enjoy this sequel to "Mothers Are Hell"...Here's the other parental unit, Thomas Jareau. NCIS Crossover. We do not own Criminal Minds or NCIS. This could not be written without my invaluable writing partner, Tonnie!**

**Chapter 1**

Leroy Jethro Gibbs watched the black haired with the two pony tails swinging on either side of her head with a look of scorn. "I can't believe you're making me do this, Abs," Gibbs grumbled as he watched the lighted numbers above the door change. "We could have accomplished this mission with a simple phone call and you know it. I told you when you agreed to do this that we should keep our noses out of it! It's gonna backfire. I feel it in my gut!"

Bouncing around to face him, the woman in the black tshirt with a skull and crossbones across the front slammed a hand into his chest. Narrowing her eyes at him and pursing her ruby red lips, she retorted excitedly, "Gibbs, Gibbs, Gibbs! You know we couldn't do that to JJ! Tony specifically asked us to deliver this news in person. And since you, Mr. Grouchy Pants, refused to let him leave that crime scene, we're here to do the deed! This is a vitally important mission. It involves keeping Tony safe from his sister - who he assured us _WOULD_ kill him if she didn't get an immediate heads up! You don't want that on our heads, do you? Of course you don't!" she rambled. "Besides, you know you don't want to break Rule 15!"

"Abs, this is _HARDLY_ a team issue!" Gibbs argued.

"Of course it is…it's just not _OUR _team….it's more like our team of in-laws! It's all in the family! It's the perfect example of a _TEAM_ problem. We have information in our possession that directly affects the continued sanity of our little JJ and it's our obligation to deliver this news in person! Come on! You know you've got a soft spot for the little blonde cutie pie! EVERYBODY has a soft spot for JJ! How can we not! Look at her parents!" Abby Sciutto justified, leaning forward to pop a quick kiss to the older man's lips before the elevator dinged its arrival.

As the elevator doors parted and the dark haired goth goddess took a step back, Gibbs growled, "Shoulda just hit the stop button cause I sure as hell deserve a lot more than a peck on the lips for this favor!"

Raising one eyebrow, Abs grinned. "Maybe later, Marine, _IF_ you play your cards right!" Grabbing his arm in a firm grip, Abby began dragging her erstwhile boss cum lover down the hall to the glass doors leading into the Behavioral Analysis Unit. "Come on! It isn't gonna be that bad…we get in here, deliver our news and get out! What could happen, Gibbs? It's our duty, Gibbs, to inform Tony's baby sister and our friend that her straitlaced father is on his way! And if this Agent Rossi is anything like you, I'm betting he'll appreciate the heads up, too." Stopping for a brief moment to face him, she looked up into his penetrating eyes. "Or did you not appreciate the warning that my sister gave us before _MY_ father showed up not so very long ago?"

"I despise it when you have a valid point," Gibbs mumbled.

"I know," Abby replied happily.

"Still, I don't think this required a drive from our Navy Yard to Quantico. A simple phone call would have sufficed. Hell, Tony could've called her from the crime scene for that matter," Gibbs bristled.

"News like this needs to be delivered in person, Gibbs. It needs the personal touch," Abby retorted.

Pulling open the glass door and allowing the younger woman to precede him into the unit, Gibbs snarled, "Hell, it could have been worse, I guess. We could be having to tell her that Dinozzo's mother was on the way again."

"NO! God, no! The last time that evil spawn was here I used up all my best voodoo curses just to get her out of my lab! And if I have to watch that vamped up Maralyn Monroe wannabe grab you butt one more time, I'm not gonna be held responsible for my actions!" Abby yelled.

Noticing that Abs' mini-meltdown had drawn stares from all over the bullpen, Gibbs quickly shoved her CAF-POW into her hands. "Drink, Abs. Steady yourself!"

*******

"Now, you promise me, David Rossi, there will be no nefarious activities at tonight's festivities," JJ said, as her future husband backed her against the door to his office.

"No nefarious activities, Bella. Just a nice evening out with the boys. I'll be home be midnight and _THEN_ I'm going to demand some of those pretty nefarious activities that you do so well," he smiled wickedly, bending his dark head to press a gentle biting kiss to the side of her neck.

"Oh, you think so? Are we just confident today?" JJ whispered, tilting her head a small bit to give him better access as his hands slid warmly up her sides.

"I just happen to know what my lady likes," David murmured roughly, caressing a cloth covered breast through her shirt. "_AND_ exactly how she likes it," David added moving his lips from her neck to cover her parted lips. Kissing her deeply, sweeping his tongue against hers, he felt her body soften against hers as he pressed her further back into the closed door. "In fact, I could remind you right now in a small preview of our upcoming events tonight," he offered generously. "Right here against this very sturdy door."

Looking up at him with laughing eyes, JJ shook her head as she linked her arms around his strong neck. "Nope, not at the office. But, I mean it, Dave, no nefarious activities means _NO STRIPPERS_! Got it?"

Sliding a hand up to cup her rosy cheek, David whispered again, "I already promised you once, Bella, at my mama's house, no less, that there won't be any strippers of any kind. Just a nice little night in a little bar with the men. The only naked woman's body I want to see is the one in front of me."

"Yeah, but you've seen my naked body before. Repeatedly."

"And each time I do, I find myself even more addicted," he said hotly, bending to kiss the shell of her ear. "Your body is more than enough for me," he whispered, sliding his hands around to her buttocks to lift her against him, giving her no doubt about what the thought of her naked body did to him. "Or can't you feel that?" he whispered roughly.

"Hard to miss it, honey," JJ said against his ear.

"Good. It only happens when I'm near you. It only happens when I think about you. So, I'm telling you once again. There will be no strippers."

"Thank you, David."

"Thank me with your body, Bella," David urged, pressing more firmly against her.

"Tonight, I promise," JJ said with a shake of her blonde head. "Besides, you need go make sure our wedding license is in order with Hotch and see Henry's little tuxedo that Reid picked up."

"My son's tuxedo," David said triumphantly.

"Yes, honey, your son. I still can't believe you got Will to sign away his rights," JJ smiled, stepping away from the door.

"I made the bastard an offer he couldn't refuse," David shrugged.

"Okay, Don Rossi," JJ laughed opening the door, not really caring how David had accomplished the task, just that he'd achieved his goal.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Stepping outside the door with Rossi close at her back, JJ heard a commotion down the stairs in the bullpen. Glancing over the railing, she immediately spotted Jethro Gibbs and Abby Scuitto. "David! What are Gibbs and Abby doing here? Oh God! Tony! What if something's happened to Tony!" she panicked.

Grabbing her arm when JJ would have pitched forward down the stairs, David met Gibbs' eyes and saw no horrible news written there. Nodding his head at the other man, Rossi watched as Gibbs inclined his head in return. "I'm sure everything's okay, honey. Let's just go see what they want."

Looking up, Abs saw JJ looking down at them. Excitedly waving, Abs bounced up and down in her thigh high tight boots. "JJ! JJ! JJ! You're here!" Abby yelled, watching the couple walk down the stairs toward her. Launching herself at JJ, Abs hugged her friend tightly. "We can tell her now Gibbs!" Abby said over her shoulder.

"Tell me what exactly, Abby?" JJ asked around Abby's clinging arms.

Frowning, Abs drew back to look at her blonde friend. "Tony wanted to come and tell you himself, but El Hefe," she griped, jerking her head toward Gibbs, "insisted that he stay with the evidence on the Smithton case…"

"Get on with it, Abs," Gibbs growled, shoving his hands in his pockets. "The vein in her head looks like it's gonna poke through the skin," he warned.

"Anyway," Abs continued, glaring at Gibbs over her shoulder, "Tony wanted you to know that you're gonna have some unexpected company soon and he didn't want you to be surprised."

Falling back against Dave's chest, JJ's face whitened. "NO. God, no! Please, please, Abby, tell me my mother isn't getting here early!"

Gibbs met Rossi's eyes and smiled grimly. "No, Agent Jareau, it's better….at least for the rest of us. It's your father. Thomas Jareau is due to touchdown at Washington National shortly. He's en route to Quantico."

Shaking her head again numbly, JJ replied in a moderately hysterical voice, "No." Turning to David, she raised wide blue eyes to meet his as she said, "I had two more days, David! Two more days to prepare for this nightmare! Two more days to figure out a way to explain once again how I could marry someone so much older than me. Two more days to make him understand that Catholic was not a swear word for a Baptist. TWO MORE DAYS," she yelled over her shoulder as she headed for the metal staircase leading to his office.

As Rossi, Gibbs and Abs stood in the bullpen watching the beautiful blonde woman ascend the stairs mumbling to herself the entire way, Gibbs asked, "Where the hell is she going?"

Sighing deeply, Rossi replied calmly, "To my desk."

"Why?" asked Abby.

Looking at the young woman, David calmly responded, "Because that's where the scotch lives." Looking at Gibbs, David asked, What's it been Gibbs? Five years? And who's the pretty lady with you?"

Suddenly slamming herself into Rossi, Abby wrapped him in a tight hug, saying, "I forgot. Welcome to the family!"

Meeting Rossi's eyes, Gibb's grinned, "This is Abby. She's our forensic analyst and my very good friend."

Keeping his hands at his sides as the young woman clung to him, Rossi looked at Gibbs a bit warily and asked, "Does she hug everyone?"

Grinning, Gibbs nodded. "Yep."

Finally releasing her death grip on Rossi, Abby asked, "Don't you think we'd all better go check on JJ?"

Glancing up the stares at his open office drawer, Rossi muttered, "I don't hear screams, so we know she found the bottle. God, I hope she only found one of them."

"Yeah, heard she killed two of 'em last time Emma was here," Gibbs smirked.

"THAT woman is determined to drive my future wife insane and I'm fairly certain her father won't be much better," Rossi grumbled.

"And, you're marrying into it," Gibbs laughed as he and Abby followed Rossi up the staircase.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

As all three individual walked into David Rossi's office they were amazed at what they saw. Closing the door, Gibbs murmured, "My god…I don't think I've ever seen the calm, cool, collected Jennifer Jareau thrown off balance."

"No sudden movements," Abs said softly. "We might spook her."

"Oh, Christ, baby…not again," David whined.

Sprawled in David's big black arm chair sat Jennifer Jareau soon-to-be Rossi clutching a familiar bottle of scotch in one white knuckled hand. Taking a pull from the bottle in her grip, JJ "I had two, count them," she said, jabbing two fingers into the air, "TWO more days to prepare for this, damn it!"

Taking a step forward, David calmly smiled down at his angry wife-to-be. "Well, babe, it looks like those plans changed. We knew he was flying in on Friday. It's just a couple of days earlier, honey."

"A couple of days, Dave. It might as well be a lifetime! You don't know him….as free spirited as my mother is, my dear papa is as straight as a board. How those two EVER got together to create me, I'll never know. And, he's Tony's favorite of all the daddies mama has given us! This is bad!" she moaned, taking another swig. "Really, really bad! Abby, I owe you for the warning though. You too, Gibbs. What time is he due to arrive?"

"1600 hours," Gibbs replied.

"1600 what? Gibbs, speak English, damn it! And why the hell isn't my sainted brother here to help me deal with any of this?" JJ yelled, taking another fortifying gulp of the scotch. Looking at David, JJ begged, "Translation please!"

"That's Gibbs fault," Abby told her apologetically. "Boss Man seems to think Ziva can't be left to her own devices lately and Tony is the only one that can talk her down half the time."

"And 1600 is four o'clock, babe," added Rossi helpfully.

"That's less than an hour," JJ sputtered, clutching her bottle tighter.

"Babe, we'll handle it. We handled your mother. We'll handle your dad, too," Rossi consoled.

"I love you, David. I do. But you're an idiot. Nobody handles Thomas Alan Jareau. HE handles people! Retired First Sergeant to the 101st Airborne Division cum Baptist minister. WE'RE DOOMED!" JJ said, taking another gulp of the amber fluid.

"Sweetheart," Rossi pleaded, holding out his hand, "give me the bottle."

"Are you high, Old Man? The only way you're getting this bottle is to pry it out of my cold dead hands! The best thing you could do is turn over your second one now instead of making me tear your office apart for it later," JJ said, holding the glass bottle in a death grip.

Sighing, David shook his head at her. "Honey, do you realize that I just replaced those bottles. At a cost of over three hundred dollars."

"Yep! Good thing you're loaded. Cause I gotta tell ya, I'm gonna need at LEAST two bottles every time I have to see one of my parents. I'll always love you for making sure that I have this primo liquor to dull the pain when one of my parents decides to pop in and make their only daughter into a raving lunatic. Now prove your love, baby. Give me the second bottle and nobody gets hurt!" JJ yelled, tossing back another swallow.

"This happen a lot?" Gibbs asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Once so far. Emma's visit last month," Rossi said over his shoulder. Turning back to his future wife, David said quietly, "Baby, what if you just let me hold the bottle this time. I'll give you a sip when you want it."

"Nope. You lie. I need this bottle. AND the other one I know you've got in here," she growled, looking around the office. "I'll toss it, David! You know I will. So just hand it over now and your nice and tidy office will stay just that way. Otherwise, it'll be game on later," JJ threatened.

"Honey-," David pleaded, "remember the hang over the next day? You don't want to feel that way again."

"You don't GET it! This is my father. Mr Self Righteous Stick in the Butt himself. I need all the liquid courage I can pour down my throat in," she said, glancing at her watch and taking another drink, "the next forty-seven minutes!"

"JJ, baby we can do this. Together!" Rossi said firmly, reaching for the bottle. "And we can do it without the scotch."

Snatching the bottle back from his grabby little paws, JJ corrected, "No, you may be able to do this without the scotch, but I don't WANT to! Seriously, you thought my mother was bad? Hmphhh! You ain't seen nothing yet, mister! Now where the hell is the other bottle?"

Popping her mini skirt clad form up on Rossi's desk, Abby swung her legs idly. "Jayje, ya know, I could always run down to Gibbs' house and grab those extra bottles that he keeps in the basement with his boat. You should see it, girl! He's building a boat in the basement. Anyhow, the bourbon down there will put some hair on your chest!"

"A boat, man?" asked Rossi, distracted for a moment.

Shrugging, Gibbs retorted, "Not gonna learn how to write books, Rossi. Boats work for me. And, you ain't touching my stash, Abs."

"Thanks," muttered Rossi.

Taking another swig, JJ spat, "I don't wanna talk about boats! I don't wanna talk about books! And I don't wanna think about the fact than in a few short minutes I have to face my very proper, very uptight daddy! Abs, you are a true friend. Thank you for your sweet offer. BUT, THIS, this is all THAT man's fault," she said, jabbing a sharp finger into David's shoulder. "YOUR. FAULT!"

Reaching for her bottle again, David asked, "How is this my fault, honey. I'm making an honest woman out of you."

"Honestly, JJ, it's probably Tony's fault. He was the one that offered to let your dad stay with him a few days early," Abby told her helpfully.

Slapping at the offending hand trying to steal her precious alcohol, JJ glared at the man she loved. Swiveling in the chair to look at Abby, JJ asked slowly, "Abs, tell me I heard that wrong! Tell me the scotch has gone to my head and I didn't just hear you tell me that this was all my big brother's idea! After the last visit from mama, he does this to me!"

"Abs, I don't think Dinozzo meant for you to disclose that piece of information," Gibbs muttered.

"Then he shouldn't have done such a stupid thing, my silver haired fox," Abby said, patting Gibbs' cheek. "I'm with JJ," she said, jerking a head at the blond currently gulping another mouthful of scotch.

"Great! You nurse her through tomorrow's hangover," Rossi muttered under his breath.

Looking at Gibbs, Rossi growled, "You realize that I'll be making arrangements for your Agent Dinozzo to meet with an untimely accident soon, correct? If I don't, his much aggrieved sister will and believe me when I tell you it will be much more painful."

Grinning, Gibbs nodded. "Noted."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Four pairs of eyes swung toward the door as they heard a light tap. Swinging the door open, Emily Prentiss strode into the room. "JJ! There you are! Penelope's looking for you everywhere…something about flower arrangements. Oh, crap! Why is she clutching that bottle of scotch? And what are you doing here, Agent Gibbs? Abby?"

Taking another swig from her bottle of liquid fortitude, Jennifer shook her blonde head. "I'm not talking about flowers today. I don't want to think about friggin' bouquets! All I care about is where THAT man," she growled, pointing at Rossi, kneeling at her feet beside her in his chair, "hid the other damn bottle of scotch! Come on, Em! You'll help me find it, right?"

Taking a step backward, Emily looked at Rossi. "I'm getting a serious case of déjà vu here, man. Haven't we been here before?" she asked nervously.

Nodding, Rossi kept his eyes on the woman he loved currently raising his scotch bottle to her lips again. "This time, however, Daddy Jareau is paying a call."

Sighing, Emily leaned against the wall. "Is this gonna be as bed as her mother?"

From his position beside Abby, Gibbs growled, "I hope the hell not! I'm still recovering from that lady's last visit!"

Nodding, Rossi smiled grimly at Gibbs. "You and me both, man."

Looking at Emily, JJ slurred, "Four p.m., Em. My father is gonna be here at four p.m. Less than thirty minutes…and the other half of my dysfunctional family unit will arrive. Why, in the name of God, I couldn't have two normal parents, I don't know….but I guarantee you this! This wedding will be the wedding to end all weddings! How two polar opposites ever created me, I have no clue!"

Taking her small cold hand in his, David said quietly again attempting to take the bottle from her grasp, "Honey, there is a bright side to this. You're mother's not due in until Friday night. We get married on Saturday and she AND your father will be gone be Sunday morning. Hopefully, not to be seen again until the birth of our first child."

Jennifer shook her head violently and pulled the bottle against her body. "I don't need this right now, David! You know I don't need this. My father makes Saint Peter look like a heathen. He's God's image, Moses and Billy Graham together crammed into a 6' 2" body. Dear God, wait until he finds out we've been living in sin with his grandson for the past several months!"

Grinning, David winked as he replied, "Oh, Bella, we've done far more than just live together…"

Slapping her hand against his mouth, JJ gasped, "For the love of all that's holy, do NOT say things like that in his presence. Otherwise, future children will be out of the question."

Removing her hand from his mouth, David smiled. "Sweetheart, you said yourself that your father wanted to spend more time with our son. Perhaps, this is just an opportunity for him to do so."

Taking another swig from her bottle in her hand, JJ patted Dave's cheek, "You poor, sweet, naïve idiot. I'll try not to let him kill you. No promises though."

"I love you, too, Jen," Dave retorted grumpily as JJ's ever present Blackberry buzzed on his desk.

Glancing at the display, JJ shook her head in confusion. "It's the BAU office number." Looking around the room, JJ asked, "I'm still at the office right? Or am I dreaming this? It would be sooooo great if this was all just a dream."

"It's not a dream, Cara. Answer the phone," David ordered sternly.

"Fine Mr. Bossy Pants! You know the only time I like that is in bed!" JJ said taking another pull from the bottle before answering the phone with a pert, "Jennifer freaking Jareau here!"

"See, Gibbs, I'm not the only one that likes a bossy man in bed," Abby spouted.

"So didn't need to hear that," Emily muttered.

David watched as the woman he'd pledged the rest of his life slowly lost what was left of her color as she listened to whoever was on the phone.

"Is this some kind of practical joke?" JJ growled to the caller. "Fine, send the package up! Thanks for nothing, Mr Security Guard!" JJ yelled, slamming the Blackberry back to Rossi's desk and taking a large gulp from her bottle.

Eyeing JJ warily, David asked, "What the hell was that about?"

Glaring at the man in front of her, JJ hissed, "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"

"What, honey?" David asked, confused.

"I wanted to elope…just you, me and Henry in some little out of the way place…but OHHHH NOOOOO….the great David Rossi wouldn't hear of it," JJ ranted. "Oh honey, you'll regret it…you'll deserve the white wedding with all the trimmings. If we don't do this, you'll look back and wish we'd done it right…" JJ mimicked. Looking at her future husband in the eyes, she said one venom filled word. "JACKASS!"

"JJ, I swear if you don't tell me what that phone call was all about-," David began.

Taking a hefty swig from the bottle, JJ smiled bitterly. "That phone call was from security, my little devil spawn! My mother has arrived. EARLY! She's on her way up here right now!"

"That's not funny, Jen," David said sternly.

"I'm not joking, David," JJ yelled, clutching her bottle tightly. "Within the next fifteen minutes, mommy and daddy dearest are going to converge on yours truly, you big know-it-all jerk! Now, WHERE IS THAT DAMN SECOND BOTTLE?"

"Oh shit!" Gibbs muttered, rising.

"I'm gonna need to order some extra supplies for another curse," Abby said under her breath.

"Is there any place to hide?" Emily asked frantically. "If that woman comes near my hair again, I'm pulling my gun, Jayje!"

David stared at the tiny blonde woman sprawled in his chair and smiled grimly, calmly pulling his keys from his pants pockets and unlocking the locked drawer to his desk. Pulling out another full bottle of scotch, he watched as JJ's eye's lit up.

"I KNEW you loved me, David! Gimme!" she shouted, lurching for the bottle and falling against his chest.

Holding the bottle out of her reach, David shook his head before pressing a hard kiss to her ruby lips. "Oh, hell no, Bella! This one is mine. I refuse to face both your parents unexpectedly without at least one shot of liquid courage. You still have a fourth of a bottle there," he informed her, nodding to the bottle she still clutched in her other hand.

"You stingy ass!" JJ snarled. "This is all your fault…we could have been in Vegas by now!"

"You'd regret that later!" David shouted back, taking a pull from the bottle in his hand.

"Bite me, Rossi," JJ said, swigging from her own bottle.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

At that moment, five alarmed pairs of eyes swung toward the door as it opened and all breathed a sigh of relief when Penelope Garcia and Derek Morgan strode into the office.

Stomping into the room, Penelope Garcia planted her hands on her ample hips and tapped a fuschia heel against the carpet. "Emily Prentiss, you had a simple task! Find JJ and bring her to me! There are some details we all need to discuss!"

Throwing her hands in the air in frustration, Emily rolled her eyes. "I tried, Garcia, but it seems we might have some more pressing issues to deal with at the moment!"

Turning, Garcia's eyes lit on Abby Scuito perched on Rossi's desk. "Abby!" Garcia gasped. "What the hell are you doing here, my little Goth Goddess! Gimme a hug! I didn't think I'd see you until tonight!"

Pressing his lips to Abby's ear, Gibbs whispered, "You know that woman?"

Nodding happily, Abby hopped off the desk to run and hug her longtime friend. "Penny, I can't believe how long it's been! The last time we had a girls night out was what? A year ago?"

"Something like that…all I remember is Jayje bailing us out of jail," Garcia laughed.

"Yeah, good times," JJ grumbled.

"Anyway," Abby said excitedly, dragging Garcia forward. "Come meet my Silver Fox. Gibbs, this is Penelope Garcia…the only woman I know that can ruin a man with a few strokes on a keyboard! Garcia, this is Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs."

Shaking his hand, Garcia laughed, "So you aren't a myth. I was beginning to wonder.

Rising unsteadily and swaying precariously, JJ yelled to the room at large, "Enough! You freaks can have your little reunion later. Right now I want everyone in this room developing a plan on how to get me out of this building before both of my parents show up! Everybody got that!" she shouted, sweeping her arm around the room.

Catching his woman as she began to slide to the floor, David pulled her to his chest. "Honey, I'm pretty sure it's too late for that. Your mother is on her way as we speak, sweetheart. But, we'll handle it. Just like last time," David said, working for his best convincing tone.

Raising her bottle back to her lips, JJ growled, "You are so full of shit, Rossi! YOU handle it! I wanna hide!"

While David had been speaking to Jennifer, the office door had opened again to admit none other than their collective boss and friend, Unit Chief Aaron Hotchner.

Hearing Rossi's last words, Hotch shook his head as if trying to clear the cobwebs. Looking at the couple in shock, Hotch swallowed convulsively and asked in horror, "Tell me that I didn't just hear what I thought I heard! Please tell me that Agent Jareau's mother has not returned to my BAU. PLEASE!"

"Yep, on her way," Abby replied.

"As we speak," Emily added.

"May God have mercy on our souls," Gibbs muttered.

"Oh yeah, man, you heard it! We're about to be invaded again - evidently by both JJ's parental units."

"Better your office than mine, Hotch," Gibbs muttered again.

Noticing Jethro Gibbs for the first time, Hotch nodded to the other man. "Agent Gibbs, I didn't know you were planning a visit to the BAU today."

Nodding to the other man, Gibbs growled with a pointed look at Abby, "I didn't either…spur of the moment decision that I'm regretting more and more with every passing second."

"It's all HIS fault," JJ insisted, poking David in the chest as she took another drink.

"IS NOT!" David yelled, gulping from his own bottle.

"Would you BOTH put the bottles down?" Garcia yelled.

"NO!!" David and JJ yelled in unison.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

As JJ and David continued their screaming match and the other occupants of the room watched, the big oak door opened once more.

Stepping into the room, Reid cleared his throat. "Uhhh, JJ! Somebody's here for you. And could you tell her to keep her hands to herself," he whispered.

"Darling!" Emma shouted, opening her arms. "Mama's home and here to help!"

"Mother," JJ said weakly.

Embracing her wobbly daughter, Emma took her daughter by the shoulders. "I just couldn't wait, sweet pea. I mean, really, you'll never forget your first wedding. No matter how many more times you do it…this one will be the one you remember. And, you need your mama's support right now!"

Glaring at Emma over JJ's shoulder, David snarled, "Just a god damned minute there, Emma. This will be her ONLY wedding."

Laughing lightly, Emma replied, looking at Garcia, "So says the man that's been married three times."

As David took a step forward, JJ turned in his arms, whispering, "Save your strength, trust me! It won't do any good to argue with her and she won't listen anyway. Besides, you're gonna need all your wits about you for when daddy gets here."

"I don't care, Jen! You tell that woman that you call your mother that we're having one wedding and there won't be a need for any others!" David growled, glaring at Emma.

Stroking young Dr. Reid's arm, Emma smiled as the young genius flinched. "Oh, how quaint, they think they're actually in love for the last time."

"Mother," JJ sighed, warningly, feeling David tense against her.

Murmuring against Emily's ear, "Here come the fireworks! Any chance we can make it out that door without getting caught in the line of fire?"

Judging the distance out of the corner of her eye, Emily sighed. "Doubtful."

"Shit," Hotch said flatly.

"Look, Emma, I know your JJ's mother but I swear to God if you doubt my love for her one more time, I'm not going to be held responsible for my actions!" David snarled.

"Oh, come on, David. Love is transient. I think that we've all proven that time and again, don't you?" Emma shrugged carelessly.

Plucking the nearly full bottle of scotch from David's hands while he was distracted by her helpful mother, Jennifer dropped her empty container in the trash and took a hefty swig from the new bottle. Feeling the scotch burn a warm fuzzy trail down to her belly, JJ inhaled deeply.

Stepping forward, she held up a restraining hand between her mother and future husband.

"Look, mama, I love you. I do. And, it's not that I'm not glad you're hear," JJ began, praying God didn't strike her dead for the lie she'd just imparted, "BUT I feel I need to warn you. You aren't the only parental figure that has decided to put in an early appearance. Daddy is on his way, mama. In?" she asked, glancing at David for confirmation.

"Five minutes," David answered, glancing at his watch.

"Five minutes! Oh, God! Mother, you've gotta get out of here…you know what it was like last time you two were together…."

Smiling widely, Emma batted her eyelashes at her daughter. "I CAN behave, Jennifer. After all, I don't wanna miss the Old Stiff meeting the groom for the first time."

Turning to Hotch, Emma smiled wickedly, "And, I don't mean that nickname in a good way either. I swear to God, JJ's father starched his underwear before putting it on. Probably still does!"

"Mother, please," JJ begged, grabbing her mother's arm.

Turning her head, Emma suddenly noticed Gibbs across the room. Eyes widening with pleasure, and not a little interest, Emma smiled. "Oh! Agent Gibbs! Fancy finding you here of all places. It saves me a trip to my son's office. I hope I'll be able to convince you to join me for supper while I'm in town…and perhaps a little something more…" she offered suggestively.

Taking a reflexive step closer to Abby, Gibbs shook his head. "I don't think-"

Slapping a hand against Gibbs' chest, Abby narrowed her eyes at the older woman across the room. "Look, you barracuda, I don't care if you are JJ and Tony's mother, BACK OFF! That voodoo curse I put on you might be wearing off, but I'm all stocked up on wolfs bane again so…"

Putting an arm around Abby's waist, Gibbs murmured, "Down, girl!" against her ear.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

All conversation suddenly ceased as the office door suddenly swung open once more, this time to admit Tony Dinozzo accompanied by a tall imposing silver haired well built man. Thomas Evan Jareau.

Gulping, JJ suddenly took another swig from the bottle before quickly pressing it into Reid's hand. Feeling her future husband's arm wrap firmly around her waist and pull her against his chest, Jennifer shakily said, "Hello, daddy."

Sweeping the room with a glance, Thomas Jareau's eyes came to rest on his only biological child. His little girl. The baby he'd bounced on his knee. The girl he'd cheered at soccer games. The young woman he'd watched get inducted into the FBI. And there his little girl stood, wrapped in the arms of a dark haired Italian man that quite honestly COULD have been her father who was very probably Catholic. And, suddenly Thomas Jareau realized why his daughter had been so vague about the details of the man she'd fallen in love with. And he was NOT pleased with this new knowledge. Not pleased at all.

Tony watched the only real father he'd ever known as his face tightened and his spine straightened to his full 6'4" height. He'd warned his sis just to come completely clean. Warned her repeatedly. But the stubborn blonde had refused to borrow trouble. Unfortunately the trouble had finally found her. And, he just hoped he could help her out of it. Glancing at Gibbs and Abby across the room, Tony grinned that easygoing smile of his as he said, trying to break the silence, "Boss! Thanks for the delivering the message for me!" Looking at his sister, Tony smiled uneasily at the pale woman, "Hey, sis! Look who I picked up along the way!"

"I can see, Tony," JJ said tightly.

"Maybe you should look who else managed to find the happy couple," Emily whispered, nodding to where Emma smirked with her legs crossed as she leaned against the far wall of the office beside Reid.

Turning his head to where Emily indicated, Tony's eyes widened as they met his mother's. "Holy shit!" he gasped.

Head snapping toward his surrogate son, Thomas Jareau snapped, "Language, Boy! There are women folk in the room!"

"Sorry, Dad, but I think you oughta take a look to your right," Tony said, with a tremor in his voice.

Jerking his head in the direction Tony had directed, Thomas Jareau inhaled deeply as his eyes met the only wife he'd ever had. Lips pursing in distaste, Thomas snarled, "What in the name of all that's holy is THAT woman doing here! You said she'd only be here for the wedding, Jennifer Rose Jareau!"

"Well, hello to you, too, Tom! It's been awhile, darlin'," Emma said with a wink. "Miss me, honey?"

Seeing the looks on her parents faces, Jennifer snatched the scotch bottle back from Reid and took another quick gulp.

Seeing his daughter's movement out of the corner of his eye, Tom Jareau's eyes zeroed in on his only daughter. "What did you just take a drink of, Jennifer Rose?" Tom asked in a booming voice.

"Uhmmm, I mighta sorta maybe had some…"

"Jennifer Rose Jareau ARE YOU DRUNK?" Thomas Jareau thundered.

"Only a little bit, daddy," JJ said unsteadily, suddenly glad that David had his arm wrapped around her. Otherwise, she was fairly certain she would slide to the floor under the condemning gaze of her strict father. Grabbing the bottle again from Reid, Jennifer figured if she was going to hell, she was gonna go out with a bang. Taking another swallow, JJ said, "I'm hoping a few more belts will help me achieve the goal."

Rolling his eyes heavenward, Rossi knew it was time to intervene. Grabbing the bottle, David said against Jennifer's ear, "Honey, I think you've had enough, don't you?"

Keeping a firm grip on the bottle, JJ shook her blonde head against his shoulder as she turned her head to meet his eyes. "Nope, they're both still in the room with me! And it's all your fault, David Rossi!" JJ said belligerently.

Glaring at his ex-wife across the room, Thomas accused, "This is all your fault, Emma. I never let Jennifer touch a drop of alcohol when she lived with me! Your influence on her must have caused her to lose all her values, you Jezebel!"

"Gee, Tom, my baby girl finally learned how to loosen up and have some fun…what a crime. Don't worry, when she isn't swilling scotch and screwing her older man, she's just as much a tightass as you, honey!" Emma said with false sympathy.

Waving a hand in the air at her parents, JJ yelled, "Hey, still in the room over here, folks! Fully grown woman making adult decisions!"

Seeing the volatile situation escalate before them, Gibbs grabbed Abby's hand tightly. Looking at his young team member, Gibbs said, "Well, DiNozzo, since you're here now, I believe Abby and I will head back to the Navy Yard."

Grabbing Abby's hand in a death grip as she walked past, JJ pulled her back. "No! Abs can't leave me! You and Gibbs have to stay! You're family and family helps family, right, Gibbs?"

"JJ-," Gibbs said in a leery voice.

"Come on, Jethro, you may have to help Rossi shoot anybody that gets out of line. You know you like using your gun," JJ begged.

"Oh, yes. I'm sure Agent Gibbs can give our future son-in-law all kinds of helpful hints on how to prepare for a fourth marriage, can't you honey?" Emma asked with a smirk in Tom's direction.

"FOURTH MARRIAGE?! JENNIFER ROSE EXPLAIN YOURSELF!" Thomas Jareau thundered. "BETTER YET, ROSSI, YOU CAN START FILLING ME IN ON YOUR SORDID LITTLE PAST!"

"Oh, did you not know about our future son's little history?" Emma asked innocently.

"Mother!" JJ gasped.

"What?" Emma replied innocently.

"Exactly how many times has this man been married before, Jennifer?" Thomas asked sternly.

"Uhmmm…" JJ hesitated, backing further into Rossi's comforting arms.

"Well, let's put it this way, Thomas, honey, between Gibbs, myself and Agent Rossi, we've been down the proverbial aisle a dozen times, haven't we, boys?" Emma explained helpfully. "Gibb's has been down the road three times, this will be David's fourth, and of course, I'm at the head of the race with five marriages," she smiled.

"Oh, God!" Reid gasped, seeing the livid color of Rossi's face and the purpling rage on Thomas Jareau's countenance. Grabbing the bottle from JJ's numb fingers, he took a quick swig.

Narrowing his eyes on David Rossi, Thomas hissed, "And you call yourself a Catholic?"

"What I AM is the man in love with your daughter. The man who will shortly become her husband for the rest of my God given life and the man that is already the legal father of our child! Any other questions?" Rossi said, moving to take a threatening step forward. "Furthermore, I'd appreciate it if you'd refrain from make uncomplimentary remarks about my future bride. It tends to upset me."

Grabbing David's arm, JJ whispered, "Now, honey!"

Turning scathing eyes on an amused Emma, Thomas yelled, "This is all your fault, you faithless hussy. You were the female example our daughter had to go by! You're the reason she's making these insane choices! It's hereditary! She's marrying a man old enough to be her father AND a Catholic, for crying out loud. It's obvious that your genes have finally outed themselves in my little girl. She'd have never made these bad decisions under my roof. She was the perfect little girl!"

"That's enough!" Rossi raged., pushing Jennifer behind him. "There's no way in heaven or hell that I'm going to let you talk about her like that!"

"All right, you two, let's just calm down. Don't let the crazy woman start another war inside my BAU!" Hotch yelled with a glare toward a smiling Emma.

"I think it's too late!!" shouted Reid, ducking as Thomas took a swing at Rossi. "It's already started," he yelled crouching and swigging from the discarded scotch bottle.

"Oh Christ," muttered Tony diving into the fray. "Are you sure you wanna join this family, Rossi?" he asked, pulling his father back. "It's not too late to back out now."

Catching the deadly look in David Rossi's eye, Gibbs resorted to his standby move when Tony was an ass. He slapped him in the back of the head.

"Ouch! That hurt, boss!" Tony yelped.

"Better me, than Rossi!" Gibbs retorted, as Thomas broke free of Tony's grip and went for Rossi again.

Blocking his blows as best he could, everyone heard Rossi growl, "I will NOT hit my future father-in-law…I won't do it!"

"Oh, so you're yellow bellied, too," Thomas cackled.

"Oh, go ahead, Rossi….let the overblown windbag have it," cheered Emma.

"Okay, THAT'S IT!" yelled JJ. "Abby, help me up on this desk," JJ ordered crawling on top of David's oversized oak desk.

Holding JJ's unsteady body by the legs, Abby winced as JJ let loose a high pitched whistle to capture the entire room's attention.

"NOW HEAR THIS, PEOPLE!" JJ yelled at the top of her lungs, swaying precariously on her feet. "I am marrying David Rossi, by God, whether ANY of you like it or NOT!" Stomping her foot and lurching to the side, she shouted, "Now everybody shut up and help me find my scotch!"

Catching his future wife in his arms as she toppled from the desk, David shook his head at the drunken woman as he smiled up at her. Wrapping firm hands around her tiny waist, David lifted his inebriated woman down from the desk. "Baby, I think you've had enough scotch."

"I hate to say it, but I agree with the old man," Thomas Jareau grumbled.

"Well, I disagree with both of you," JJ said pertly, snatching her bottle back from Reid's greedy hands.

"Jennifer," both the men in her life said warningly in unison.

"Oh, leave her alone," Emma said, moving forward. "My girls earned the right to cut loose every now and again."

"That was always your problem, Emmy…you never knew how loose was loose enough," Thomas grumbled.

"I remember a few times when you quite enjoyed how loose I could be," Emma smiled wickedly.

Hearing her mother's words, JJ leaned against David weakly. "I think I'm gonna be sick."

Snuggling her into his side, he rubbed her back soothingly. "We'll be married by Saturday, honey. Just keep repeating that to yourself."

"Promise?" JJ asked.

"I swear," David vowed, pressing a kiss to her warm forehead.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Shaking her head at the group, Garcia decided it was time to take control. Clapping her hands to gain everyone's attention, she yelled, "Okay, people. Enough is enough. Angelfish, get your knight in tarnished armor to help you stand up straight and then I want all the women in my lair, pronto. We need to get ready for our bachelorette party for our Gum Drop! Glancing at Morgan, she pointed a purple manicured finger at the built black man and ordered with a stern glare, "You, my chocolate god of thunder, are responsible for getting all these gentlemen to the bachelor party and back in one piece. And, if I were you, I wouldn't disappoint me."

Whining, Morgan groaned, "Oh, hell, Baby Girl, you can not make me the designated driver, not for this group. Make Reid or Hotch do it!"

Flashing him an evil grin, Garcia shook her blonde and pink tinted head at him. "No. It's you, Derek and you know damn well why it's you! Consider this part of your ongoing punishment!"

Hanging his head, Morgan nodded slowly.

"What are you being punished for, Morgan? What did you do this time?" Emily asked.

Stepping between them quickly, Pen shook her head briefly. "All will be revealed shortly," Garcia said quietly to the older woman with a piercing look. "Now, everyone, START MOVING!"

Looking over at Rossi, Gibbs asked with a note of respect, "Any chance that lady was a Marine drill instructor in her life?"

Shrugging, Rossi replied, "With that woman, given her history, anything is possible."

Aware of her father's eyes on him, David wrapped a possessive arm around his blonde beauty and drew her to his chest. "I'll see you at home tonight, honey. And, remember, sweetheart, we've got some special plans," he murmured, covering her lips with his in a kiss filled with controlled passion and intent. "I love you, Bella."

"I love you, too," she smiled, allowing Penelope to wrap a hand around her forearm and pull her away.

"They'll be plenty of time for all that later you two lovebirds," Penelope mocked.

Clutching her bottle in her hand tightly, Jennifer turned to face her imposing implacable father. "Daddy, are you gonna be okay with the men tonight?" she asked, flashing a quick look at Rossi.

"He'll be fine, sis. Dad's gonna bunk with me until the wedding from hell is over," Tony joked, clapping a hand on Thomas' back.

Glaring at her brother, JJ charged, "Listen here, Anthony Dinozzo, I'm putting you in charge of both of them. Daddy and Rossi. I expect them both to be alive and unscathed at the end of this evening. Am I making myself clear, Tony?" JJ asked with narrowed eyes.

"But, Sis, who's gonna look after me? Aren't you worried at all about your big brother? In case you haven't noticed, both dad and your future husband are a bit bigger than me! What if I get injured trying to protect these two from each other?" Tony asked in mock hurt.

"I sincerely doubt you have anything to worry about, Dinozzo. It's more likely you'll stand back and watch," Gibbs said dryly. Leaning toward JJ, he whispered, "He might mess up that perfect hair of his."

"You'll be there, though, right?" JJ asked Gibbs.

"I've got it covered, kiddo. You just have a good time tonight," Gibbs assured her.

"Gee, thanks, Boss, for thinking I can handle this," Tony muttered.

Laughing, Abby replied, "Come on, Tony, everyone of us know that you'll stand on the sidelines and laugh your ass off if trouble breaks out. You wouldn't be you if you didn't."

Glaring at his daughter, Thomas intoned, "Jennifer Rose, I hope that you intend to refrain from any unseemly activities this evening as I'm sure the men will."

As Morgan shifted uncomfortably, JJ grinned at her father, "Well, daddy, I can't make you any promises there." Pointing at Garcia, JJ explained, "She's in charge tonight and I've learned to expect the unexpected when you're on one of her rides. Once, at this bar in Georgetown…mmmmffff"

Covering her mouth with a warm hand, Rossi pulled his woman back for a moment. "Honey, as much as I'm not thrilled with your uptight father, I really don't want you to tell things you'll regret later, angel." Uncovering her mouth, David quickly glared at Thomas again before pressing another kiss to his Jennifer's lips.

Patting David's cheek, JJ smirked. "Now, honey, play nice tonight or I won't let you play with my…."

Stepping in Penelope grabbed JJ's arm again before she could finish her sentence. "Okay, ladybug, time to GO!"

Motioning for Abby to grab JJ's other arm, Garcia turned to Emily and ordered, "Grab Emma and let's meet in my office."

Putting on her best political smile, Emily turned to look at Emma. "Shall we, Emma?" Emily said, motioning toward the door.

Cocking her head at the younger woman, Emily told her thoughtfully, "Has anyone ever told you that you could really be a pretty girl if you just had a good stylist?"

***

By the time Garcia and Abby had managed to frog march JJ into Garcia's inner lair, somehow Abby had regained possession of the half full bottle of scotch.

As Emily and Emma walked into the office, Emily asked, "How the hell did you manage to pry that bottle from her hands, Abby? We almost had to call in the Marines last time."

Smiling, Abby laughed as she replied, "Well, when you sleep with a Marine, you learn a few tricks of the trade."

Gasping, Emma looked at Abby. "You and that fine Agent Gibbs? You lucky, lucky girl! Tell me, is he as good as he looks?"

Raising a darkened eyebrow at the older woman, Abby smiled wickedly and said one word. "Better."

"Some girls have all the luck," Emma sighed.

Closing her office door and throwing the lock, Garcia turned to face their small gathered group. "Look, ladies, I need you all to focus on me for a minute and pay attention. I've got some important information to impart with you all."

Collapsing in Penelope's chair and grabbing her bottle from Abby again, she yelled, "If this is about those damned flower arrangements, I couldn't care less."

"No, Gum Drop, the flowers were just a cover story. I have found out some fairly pertinent information regarding this evenings festivities that you need to know about."

"Does this have ANYTHING to do with that scrumptious Agent Hotchner?" Emma asked wickedly.

Glaring across the room at JJ's mother, Emily asked, "Do you think you could keep your mind out of the gutter for five minutes? Aaron Hotchner is NOT available to you…now or EVER!"

Smiling, Emma raised a brow in Emily's direction. "Oh, look, ladies, the kitten has some serious claws!"

Stomping to stand between the two arguing women, Penelope yelled again, "FOCUS, people, stay with me! Remember, this is about JJ! See little JJ over there," Penelope said, gesturing at the sprawled woman.

As the inhabitants of the room nodded in unison, Garcia continued with a frown. "Okay, we all know that JJ's bachelorette party was scheduled to coincide with Agent Rossi's bachelor party."

Taking another belt from her dwindling bottle, JJ said darkly, "He didn't need another stinkin' bachelor party! He's had three already! AND, now daddy is gonna be there , too. And, you know Tony's gonna drag daddy to this thing. I begged David just to elope. Begged, damn it! None of this would even be happening if he'd listened to me!"

Rolling her eyes at JJ, Garcia muttered to Abby, "Abs, get the bottle from her again for a second."

Glaring at Abby, JJ snarled, "Touch my bottle and I have David call in his mafia contacts."

Laughing, Abby snatched the bottle away, saying, "Please, girl! I was raised on voodoo curses, Southern superstitions, and Creole legends. A bunch of no-neck henchmen ain't gonna even make a dent with me! Besides, I know where to hide the bodies, too."

Tilting her head at her friend, JJ nodded, "You gotta point there, Abs." before snatching her bottle back.

Sighing, Penelope raised her voice again to say, "It has come to my attention that the men's plans for tonight's party were not exactly as they had previously told us. I have reason to believe that contrary to popular belief, this evening's festivities will include a stripper.. A stripper that will be alighting from one of those disgusting Styrofoam cakes."

At those words, JJ sat straight up in her chair with widened eyes. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me, Peaches," Garcia told her quietly.

"Is this information substantiated?" Emily asked through gritted teeth. "Because Aaron assured me…"

Slamming down her bottle of scotch precariously close to Garcia's precious keyboard, JJ rose unsteadily from her seat. "No, Garcia, you're wrong! David Rossi promised me there would be no SUCH THING! He swore on a stack of bibles at his mama's house that this would be a simple bar outing. He even told me he'd be home by midnight!"

"My source is reliable. Although, I'm uncertain who else knows of these plans. Rossi COULD have been telling you the truth, Jayje."

"Yeah, right!" Emma said sarcastically. "Trust me, girls, as the eldest here, listen to Mama. MEN LIE! A LOT! Especially when they think that they won't be caught!"

"My source is on the level," Garcia noted.

Snapping her fingers, Emily looked at Garcia. "It's Morgan, isn't it?"

Nodding sagely, Garcia replied, "He'd die before he lied to me."

"That's why you're punishing him," Emily grinned.

"Damn Skippy!" Garcia snapped.

Heading unsteadily for the door, JJ yelled, "Morgan's behind this!? Let me at him. David Rossi PROMISED me!"

Grabbing her daughter by the shoulder's at the door, Emma said calmly, "All right, honey, listen to me. All men lie. It's a part of their genetic makeup. Trust me, baby, all five of my husbands told me some whoppers, your father included. You have to take it all with a grain of salt. And you have to learn how to get even."

"Yeah, they lied because you were always busy looking for their replacements," Abby muttered.

Clapping her hands to regain some order, Garcia said, "Okay, GumDrop, this is your call. How do you want to handle it?"

"I want to find David Rossi and give him a piece of my mind and then I want to find Derek Morgan and rip him apart. Any special areas you'd like me to leave intact, Garcia?"

"A few," Garcia laughed.

"Bet I can guess which ones," laughed Emma. "But, you know, ladies, there's a much better alternative."

At her calm statement, four sets of eyes came to rest on Emma's face.

"I'm almost afraid to ask, mama, but, what's your idea," JJ asked on a hiccup.

"Sweetheart, it's simple. If your husband wants a stripper then give him a stripper. YOU!"

Glancing around the room, JJ looked at her friend's rapt faces. "Is it just me having alcoholic delusions or did my mother just suggest that I become a stripper?"

"Just for tonight, darling. Teach your man a lesson he'll never forget," Emma advised.

"I hate to say it, but this idea has merit," Emily said amazed.

"I like it," Abby agreed.

"Oh, girls, it's GAME ON!" Penelope said gleefully.

"Oh, shit," JJ said, sliding into a heap on the floor.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Back in David Rossi's office, all the men watched the women file out. Eyes resting lingeringly on the curved backside of the woman he loved, Gibbs murmured, "You've got it bad, man!"

"Hell, yeah, Jethro. She's everything I ever wanted in one nice neat package," Dave smiled and said under his breath. "Soooo, how long have you and that Abby girl been together?"

Opening his mouth, Gibbs was cut off by Tony's pert reply. "It seems like forever, even though there was the sweetest little bet in the office over how long it took them to realize it. Of course, yours truly, made a fortune."

"I've got a good idea where that betting pool started, too, Dinozzo," Gibbs growled.

Shrugging, Tony didn't even bother to try to look innocent. "Is it my fault that McGee is such an easy mark. He kept betting that you two would never get together. Somebody had to teach the probie a lesson."

"Okay, gentlemen, we are currently t minus two hours till party time and counting. By the time we get Henry to the sitter, and everybody heads home to change, and we get to the bar, we'll be right on schedule. Rossi, evidently, I am your tour guide for the evening. I've been assigned with the task of returning you to our little JJ in one whole unscathed piece by my woman. And I make it a point not to piss off my woman," Morgan said. Glancing at Thomas Jareau, Morgan said, "Pardon me, Reverand."

"Morgan, the last time I needed a babysitter, I was my son's age," Rossi protested.

"Don't care, man. I absolutely refuse to get myself in any deeper than I already have with my Baby Girl! Now, you can be chauffeured tonight like a nice, normal groom-to-be or I can lock you in the cargo space of my SUV. Either way, you don't leave my sight tonight."

"What exactly did you do to Garcia to put her on the war path, Morgan?" Hotch asked curiously.

"Yes, and who WAS that woman anyway? She was quite unusual. She seems to have all of you fearing your very own shadow. I've heard Jennifer speak of her often though. Certainly more than YOU," Thomas Jareau said with a glare in Rossi's direction.

"She, Mr. Jareau, is the FBI's answer to Big Brother, God and Santa Claus all rolled up into one very dangerous package. She could take over small countries with her computer skills. She could topple successful men with just a few clicks of her mouse. She knows all, sees all and hears all. And she is NOT afraid to use anything she finds against you," Dr. Reid informed the older man. "She's awesome!"

"She's also a woman that does not make idle threats," mumbled Morgan.

"Sounds like you might have some experience with that, Morgan," Gibbs said dryly.

Cracking a rare grin, Hotch nodded. "If anybody on this team can push Garcia's buttons, it's Morgan."

"Fortunately, he knows how to push them in that real good way, too," Rossi added.

Waving a negligent hand in the air, Morgan avoided the original question by saying, "Okay, guys, that's enough about my girl. This night is about Rossi and his woman. Everybody to their cars or we'll never make this shindig on time."

"Well, Pops, looks like you and I will head back to my apartment to clean up before this thing starts," Tony said, pulling on his sport coat.

Appalled at the idea of joining David Rossi anywhere, Tom shook his head. "No, son, I think I'll just stay in tonight. I'm certain I won't approve of the evening you men have planned, especially since I'm less than thrilled with my daughter's choice of grooms."

Visibly bristling, Rossi began to step forward as Gibbs leaned over and said in a low neutral voice, "He's trying to force a reaction, man. Trust me, ignore him and he'll come around."

"Experience talking?" asked Rossi under his breath.

Nodding, Gibbs replied, "Abs' dad was the same way, only deaf. Unfortunately, I can read sign."

"Dad, you're going, if only for sis," Tony ordered. "Now, come on, let's get moving!"

After everyone had left, Morgan and Rossi headed down to the downstairs daycare to pick up Henry. Excited to see his daddy, the baby jabbered animatedly all the way to the babysitter who happened to be a close, personal friend of Garcia's. After quizzing the woman on her CPR training, her first aide training, how long the average ambulance response time was, insisting on her cell and home phone numbers, her social security number and the name of her next of kin, David Rossi finally released his son into the other woman's custody.

As they climbed back into the SUV, Morgan looked at Rossi with widened eyes. "Anybody ever accused you of being overprotective, man?"

"Overprotective was when I had Garcia run two background checks on that woman before I'd even consider using her."

"You've got it bad for both the woman and the boy, don't ya, man?" Morgan laughed.

"Nothing in this world compares to how I feel about those two people. I've never felt love like this. Son, one day you'll understand that when fate drops everything you ever dreamed of having on your head, you'll do whatever you have to do to keep and protect it. Up to and including making any promise the woman you love wants you to make. Now, get me to this party, Morgan so I can hurry up and get home. I plan on enjoying the after party a hell of a lot more than a few drinks with you guys."

Nodding, Morgan glanced at Rossi. Debating for a moment whether he should reveal what was on the agenda for tonight's events, he opted for silence. What David Rossi didn't know couldn't hurt him. And, it just might keep him alive for a little while longer.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

An hour and a half later, five women gathered in the back room of the small bar Morgan had chosen for Rossi's bachelor party.

Glancing around the room in distaste, Emily asked, disgusted, "How in the hell did Morgan ever find this place? I didn't even know this place was here and I thought I knew all the bars in Maclean."

Rolling her eyes, Garcia shook her head. "Oh, Emily, you know as well as I do, that my mocha wonder knows all sorts of interesting hidey-holes. Usually he's hiding from my wrath." Frowning, Garcia continued, "And evidently, this little grease pit is a well sought after location for clandestine bachelor parties because of this very room." Looking around the room that was approximately the size of a broom closet, Garcia disgustedly revealed, "This is where the stripper prepares."

"And thanks to Madame Emma's generous donation to the college fund of tonight's original entertainment, she was more than willing to take a night of to study for her biology final," Emily said with a roll of her dark eyes and an unladylike snort.

"Anything to help further the educational process," Emma murmured, lifting the leather and lace teddy she'd purchased from Frederick's of Hollywood from it's bag. "We need to start getting my little girl ready for her grand debut."

From her position propped in the corner next to the tacky red Styrofoam cake, JJ lifted a new bottle of scotch to her lips and eyed the contraption her mother held by her fingertips.

Looking at Pen, Abby asked, "Was the third bottle of scotch really a good idea?"

Snorting, Emma retorted, "My daughter takes after me in that area…she's got a wooden leg for alcohol. She can hold her liquor with the best of them. She got that from me."

"Hopefully that's the only thing she got from you," Emily murmured.

Pointing at the outfit in her mother's hands, JJ asked, "Mama, are you sure I'm gonna be able to get in that thing?"

"Oh leather has a lot of give to it, Jayje," Abby assured her.

"It doesn't look like it'll cover me entirely," JJ worried.

"Honey, that's pretty much the point," Emma laughed. "It's supposed to barely cover you…and not for long."

Abby laughed as Emily made a face.

"Don't worry, angelfish, we'll get you in this getup. Where are the fishnet stockings?"

"Right here," said Emily, holding up the hose.

"And the thigh high stiletto boots?" asked Pens.

"Got 'em," Abby said, holding the leather heels up.

"Okay, daughter, let's get you ready!" Emma said moving forward.

"Don't worry, JJ, nobody can tighten a corset like me!" Abs assured the young woman with a grin. "But, hon, it's time to give up the bottle!"

Handing her the bottle, JJ sighed. "Let's do this…let's teach that man of mine a lesson he'll never forget!"

Half an hour later, Jennifer Jareau soon-to-be Rossi stood looking in the dingy mirror in the broom closet cum dressing room. She did not recognize the woman staring back at her. Volumptious breasts spilling forward from the bra of the teddy…teeny tiny waist, made even smaller by the laced corset…long shapely legs encased in black fishnet stockings with high heeled black boots. "I look like a slut!" she gasped.

"Good!" came the unanimous reply of four women. "Our job is almost done!"

***

As David and Morgan walked through the door to the little hole in the wall in Maclean, Dave took a look around. "Morgan, man, I don't want to sound ungrateful. I really don't. But, this doesn't exactly look like the best kind of place for this shindig. It's not exactly our normal kind of hangout, is it?"

Shrugging, Morgan offered his a half-smile, "I thought we should all try something different tonight. A walk on the wild side, so to speak.

As Reid and Hotch walked into the establishment, Hotch couldn't resist echoing David's previous thoughts while Reid looked around at the place as if it were a science experiement.

"I just told him all this Hotch," Dave muttered.

"Trust me, men, this will be worth our while tonight. By the time you all get a few beers in you, you're all going to appreciate my efforts. I can promise you that," Morgan assured his friends.

Raising an eyebrow, Rossi studied Morgan's carefully blank face. "Morgan, the way I understood this little plan of ours, we were gonna grab a few beers, shoot a couple games of pool and then you were supposed to deliver me back into my fiancee's hands. Her very soft, very capable, very talented hands. Do we understand each other?"

As David finished speaking, Tony, Tom Jareau and Jethro Gibbs walked through the bar's door and joined the assembled team at the bar

"Well, buddy, have you given the old man the good news yet?" asked Tony with a wide grin, slapping Morgan on the back.

Narrowing his eyes, David dropped his chin to his chest as he stared at Derek Morgan. "What good news is he talking about, Derek? Something you've forgotten to share with me?"

"Tony, I don't think this is exactly the kind of establishment that I feel comfortable in," Tom growled, looking around with a shudder. "As much as Rossi over there may enjoy places like this, I, however, have some standards at this stage in my life."

"Actually, I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I agree with Tom," David muttered.

Pushing his father onto a bar stool, Tony laughed as he said, "Oh, come on, dad! You can't tell me that you didn't pay a visit to a few places like this when you were in the army! You and those buddies I've heard you talk about HAD to have hit a few places like this along the way!"

Shrugging uncomfortably, Tom growled, "That was a lot of years and a lifetime ago!"

"But…" Tony drawled.

"BUT, back in the day, I might have been quite a bit of a pool shark. And ladies man. Which is why we, especially YOU," he said, pointing to Rossi, "have no business being here now!" Tom snarled. "And," he said, looking at Tony, "that was all before Jennifer Rose and your mother!"

"Probably before the whole preacher thing, too, I'm assuming," Morgan muttered.

"Well, I should think that would go without saying," Thomas snapped.

Laughing at his dad's indignant face, Tony clapped him on the back and replied, "Oh, come on, pops, one friendly game of pool. Show me if you've still got what it takes!"

With a final glare between Rossi and Tom, Tony dragged his father toward the pool tables. "I bet you and I can take Reid and Hotch over there. Besides, we both know that Sis will have my hide if I don't at least attempt to make sure you have a good time!"

Ordering a longneck as he watched the men wrack the balls at the center of the pool table, Rossi listened as Gibbs ordered the same.

"I'm thinking the scotch wouldn't quite be what we're used to here," Gibbs laughed.

"You can say that again," Rossi muttered, taking a pull off his drink. Watching as Hotch returned to the bar and took the stool next to him, he asked, "Thought you were playing pool?"

"Tony bet Reid that he couldn't win alone…Reid took the bet," Hotch laughed.

"Good. I wanted to talk to you anyway. Spill it, Aaron!" Rossi ordered. "What does Morgan have planned that I don't know about?"

"Your guess is as good as mine, old friend. The only thing I know for sure is that Emily grabbed me right before I left the office and made me swear to behave myself tonight. In fact, she might have mentioned that if I didn't restrain myself, I might find myself missing some rather important parts in the morning, anatomically speaking."

Laughing, Rossi nodded, "Apparently she and JJ are in cahoots. I had to swear on a stack of Bibles in my mother's house that we would do nothing more adventurous tonight than get slightly drunk and allow Morgan to escort us home."

Rolling his eyes at both of them, Gibbs snorted. "You are both some sad whipped puppies. Are you two seasoned agents telling me that you let your women dictate what you can and can not do?"

Rossi raised an eyebrow at his old friend. "Oh, so you're saying that your Abby would approve of any inappropriate activities that happened to go on tonight, should they occur?"

Gibbs smirked as he lifted his beer bottle to his lips and took a swallow. "Hell, man, my Abigail would probably initiate half those activities if she had any idea…"

It was at that moment that Morgan and the other men returned to the bar.

"Game over so soon?" Rossi asked.

Glaring at Reid, Tony pouted, "It appears that your young genius has concluded a way to use PHYSICS to win the game! And, if you ask me, that should be considered cheating!"

"Now, boy," Tom said, clapping his son on the back, "the boy was using the tools he had at hand. He played to win. Can't blame the kid for that…now give him his twenty dollars."

Glancing at his watch, Morgan cleared his throat. "Well on that note, I guess it may be time to tell you about a few tools that I had at my disposal for this here party that I decided to use tonight," Morgan grinned.

Turning to glare at the other man, Rossi asked, "Why do I have the feeling that I'm not gonna like what's coming up?"

Chuckling, Tony grinned. "Hell, Dave, what red-blooded American man wouldn't like what's coming up next."

Looking from Rossi's tight face to Morgan's quickly paling countenance, Hotch murmured, "I think you'd better go ahead and share some information with the group, Derek."

Before Morgan could open his mouth, the lights in the bar suddenly dimmed and the bartender offered Morgan a signal and a leering smile. Suddenly a bright spotlight shined in the corner as two burly men wheeled out a tacky red cake across the creaky wooden floor.

"Damn you, Morgan, I promised my woman…" Rossi muttered.

Turning to David Rossi with a glare and a horrified voice saying, "Agent Rossi, exactly what type of man am I allowing to marry my little angel? Is THIS how much you respect her. Looking at naked women that most certainly will not be her! I KNOW my baby would definitely not approve of this kind of sinful behavior, you pig!"

Yelling over the deafening music, Rossi defended, "I had NOTHING to do with this. In fact, I specifically ordered…oh forget it! Morgan! You get your ass back over here," he yelled to the black man slinking down to the far end of the bar.

Nodding at Gibbs, he watched as Gibbs grabbed Morgan by the collar of his shirt and jerked him back.

Leaning into Morgan's face, Rossi hissed, "I promise, I'll deal with you later!" Right now, we have to figure out how to keep JJ's father from having a stroke," Rossi said, nodding to the older man jumping up and down in anger. "Trust me, Morgan, you're gonna pay!"

"Oh hell, Rossi, just enjoy the show, man! It's your bachelor party. What Sis don't know can't hurt her a bit!"

"You don't know your sister at ALL, do you, kid?" Rossi yelled back, with a prayer to the saints above to let him survive this night, alive, intact, and still engaged.


	11. Chapter 11

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: VERY MATURE ADULT CONTENT!!!**

Chapter 11

As the music to the Pussycat Dolls, "Dontcha" blasted over the speakers, Rossi looked down the bar at Derek Morgan in horror. "If my Jennifer EVER finds out about this, I swear to whatever God you worship that I will shoot you with your own gun! I PROMISED my woman, you ass!"

At his last words, the top of the red Styrofoam cake, popped off, as one delicate shapely arm appeared, followed quickly by its delectable twin. Catcalls and screams erupted from around the room. The only silent individuals being Thomas Jareau and David Rossi.

Punching Reid in the shoulder, Tony grinned, "Hey, kid, you know it's okay to breathe, right? It's just a chick in there. A very, very hot mama if I know our Morgan!"

Shaking his head at his surrogate son, Thomas Jareau frowned. "Son, when this whole sordid evening is finished, you and I are going to have a very long, very detailed conversation over what is and what is not acceptable!"

As another pale arm appeared with a bangle covered wrist, Rossi narrowed his eyes and took a step back.

"Boys, if any of you know what's good for me, you'll get me out of here, pronto! Jennifer would kill me if she knew I was about to see a naked woman jump out of that cake. I PROMISED!!!"

***

JJ could hear the pounding music and catcalls of those hyenas outside the safety of her Styrofoam cake. Damn, David Rossi! She allowed herself for a moment how she had allowed her mother and so-called friends to convince her to climb into this contraction virtually naked…and then she remembered. DAVID ROSSI and his damn meaningless promises! Anger sobering her as no hangover remedy ever could, JJ narrowed her eyes and stood up quickly, popping her arms above her head and smiling brilliantly. Staring straight into the dark, shocked eyes of her future husband, she yelled, "Surprise!" Then, breast spilling from the leather and lace top of her teddy, she unsteadily climbed out of the cake in her fishnet stockings and stiletto heels, pointed and screeched, "You LYING SON OF A BITCH!"

It only took moments for hell on earth to erupt as the women seemed to scurry from the woodwork. Making a beeline for Derek Morgan, Penelope Garcia pinched one ear between her fingers and jerked him down to eye level. JJ did not know what was being said but judging from the horrified look on his face, she knew it wasn't promising. Emily was currently slapping Hotch on the head with her heavy black purse cursing him for all she was worth. Tony was covering his eyes, screaming, "Oh my God! The hot naked chick is my sister!" Spencer Reid had paled and was currently cowering under the pool table.

But the two men she most dreaded speaking to were directly in front of her half-naked shapely body.

"Daddy, I can explain," she faltered.

Meeting his daughter's eyes, Thomas Jareau seethed, "Jennifer Rose Jareau, what are you doing in that tramp's outfit! You're acting like a common trollop!"

Turning to face her father, Rossi felt his blood boil at the words Tom Jareau spoke to his daughter. Grinding out, "No one speaks to her like that! Not even you!" Pulling back his arm to knock her father down, Gibbs caught him from behind.

"You don't want to do that man! He's her father! See to your woman!" Gibbs urged.

"And, by the way," Emma screeched, "as I recall, I was wearing an outfit very similar to that the night we made our daughter, Thomas Jareau! Or have you forgotten!"

"Now, Emma…" Thomas faltered.

"Don't you "Now, Emma" me! Outside, NOW!" Emma yelled, pointing to the bar's door. "You and I have a few things to say to each other!"

Slamming his beer bottle down on the bar, Rossi quickly turned to stride toward the makeshift stage JJ stood on. Seeing her belligerent expression, he didn't waste time with words. Snatching JJ into his arms, he heard her rage, "David Rossi, you are in so much trouble for lying to me!"

"I'm in trouble? I'm in trouble?!" Looking down at her delectable body, barely covered by scraps of leather and lace, he spat, "I'm not the one who was parading around almost naked in front of everyone!"

"NO! You just WANTED TO WATCH a woman parade around naked for you! I wouldn't have had to do this if you hadn't lied to me! So, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! AGAIN!!" she screeched, beating at his shoulders.

Kicking the door open to the broom closet, David put Jennifer down and pushed her against the wall, none to gently. "Don't you move!" he threatened, turning to close the broom closet door and move a bookcase in front of it. Turning to face her again, his face red with rage, David ground out, "I knew NOTHING about this! NOTHING!!"

"Yeah, right!" JJ said sarcastically.

"Damn it, woman! I do NOT lie to you! EVER!" he said stripping off his jacket as he watched her shiver and wrapping it around her. "Aside from that, do you KNOW what could've happened to you in a place like this dressed like THAT?" his eyes sliding down her heaving breasts to her tiny waist to her endless legs.

"Nothing happened! I knew you'd be here! Except now my daddy has seen me practically naked! And so has the team," JJ said, picking up her discarded scotch bottle from the corner and taking a belt.

"Put that down!" he yelled, snatching it out of her hands. "Whose idea was this, anyway?"

"It was a group effort!" JJ shouted back.

"Led by your mother, I'll bet!" David griped.

"As a matter of fact, yes! She said you needed to learn a lesson!" JJ retorted. "Did you learn it?" JJ asked, shrugging off his jacket, hot now in her anger.

"Oh, I learned something all right!" David growled.

"Well?"

Taking a step forward, David pinned his future wife against the wall. "I learned you look way to fucking sexy in leather and lace," he groaned, crashing his lips against hers. Ripping at the ties on her corset, he freed her heavy breasts to his lips and greedily sucked one into his mouth.

Groaning at the sensations his mouth evoked, JJ squirmed against him. "David-," she gasped.

"You dress like this, woman and you pay the piper," David growled against her neck before sucking the soft flesh into his mouth. "Damn it, how do I get you out of this thing?"

"I don't know! Abby and Mama got me into it!" JJ said breathlessly.

"God, Jennifer, you're sexy…You're always beautiful…but this…" he groaned, sweeping his tongue into her mouth for the kiss of a starving man.

"This is what, David?" JJ moaned, still pinned between his body and the wall.

"This is fucking hot, baby…Slutty…nasty…and I love it," he said, tearing at the strings of her corset.

"You want me?"

"Want you? God, baby, I'm dying for you!" he growled, dragging her hand against the bulge in his pants.

"Only you can do this to me! Only you can make me want to strip you in front of a room full of people and do this," he said, pressing his body against hers and moving suggestively.

"Mmmmm," JJ moaned.

"Jennifer, I can't wait until we get home, Bella," David whispered hotly against her ear.

"Why, David," JJ said primly, "Are you telling me you want to have your way with me in a less than sanitary broom closet?"

"Bella," he told her hoarsely, "what I'm saying is I want to fuck you against this wall in your fishnet stockings and stiletto heels! Say no now, if you're going to."

Sliding her hands to the zipper of his jeans, JJ shook her head, "Fine! But first, I've earned a taste."

Sliding to her knees, she raised her eyes to meet his as she took him between her painted red lips. Sliding his manhood in and out of her mouth she heard his rough growls as he thrust against her parted lips. After only a few moments, he roughly grabbed her by the shoulders and slammed her back against the wall.

"Enough teasing, you little witch!" Lifting her against the wall, he wrapped her legs around his hips. "Hang on to me, Bella. I don't know how gentle I can be with you looking like that!" Slamming into the heart of her femininity, both of them groaned at the sensation. Seizing her lips as he pumped his hips against her, she felt him fondle her abundant breasts around the lace and leather material.

"God, that's good," he growled. "Lift against me, Bella. That's it, baby! Ride it!" he ordered.

"Give it to me, David. Give it to me hard," she moaned, feeling as he slammed into her again and again, biting at her neck as he slid his fingers through her blonde tresses to hold her steady for his deeply penetrating tongue.

Feeling her tight body clutching at him, David growled, "God, Bella, it's so good, baby! So tight!"

"More, baby," JJ begged. "Faster!"

"Oh yeah, baby, I'll give you what you want! You like playing the part of the whore, don't you?" David laughed against her ear.

"Only with you," she gasped, as she felt his fingers stroke the bundle of nerves at the top of her mound. "And, you stop that or you'll make me…"

"Make you what?" he growled, biting her bare shoulder.

"You know!" she said lifting her hips to meet his.

"Say it!" he ordered. "You wanted to act the part, now say the words! Tell me what you want or I swear to God, I'll keep you against this wall all night," he threatened.

"Make me do it, David!" she begged.

"Make you do what, Bella?" he asked huskily, slowing his strokes to torture her.

Clawing his neck, JJ ground her body against his. "Damn you, David!"

"Damn me all you want to, baby…but, you're gonna say it if you want it!" he growled, flicking the bundle of nerves with his finger again. "Trust me, baby, you've got me so hot and hard, I can go all night!"

"Baby, please!" JJ begged, lifting her hips.

"Say it," he ordered harshly.

"Make me come, David," she whispered.

Plunging into her wet depths harder, he growled, "AGAIN! Say it again!"

"I wanna come! Please, David!" JJ begged breathlessly, closing her eyes as she felt his arousal swell further inside her.

"Yeah, baby…that's what I wanted to hear," he said, slamming his body into her as his mouth latched onto one rosy nipple.

Moaning, JJ felt the sensations building in both of them.

Screaming her relief, she heard him rasp against her ear, "God, baby, I'm gonna blow.. I need to pull out."

"What? NO!" JJ begged.

"No condom!" he rasped.

"Don't care!" she begged.

"Oh thank God," he groaned, emptying himself into her body for what felt like endless moments as he shuddered against her.

Pressing kisses all along the column of her neck and the side of her face, David whispered, "I love you, Bella. Only ever you!"

Wrapping her arms more tightly around his neck, she turned her mouth into his, "I love you, too. We could have made a-"

"Baby," he finished for her with a beautific smile.

"You like that idea," JJ grinned.

"You have no idea how much," he whispered, letting her legs slide from her waist. "Now, Bella, tell me that you have real clothes inside this room. As much as I love this look, it's only ever for me again. Understand!"

"I do. In the corner," she whispered, nodding.

Making short work of redressing his future wife, David grinned. "Promise me you'll dress that way for me again. Only next time, ONLY for me, Cara Mia."

"Only for you," JJ told him with a soft smile. Smile fading quickly, JJ gasped, "My daddy saw me like that! Oh God, David!"

Wrapping an arm around her, David assured her, "Your father will not say one word about it, Bella. I'll make sure of it."

"Protective?"

"You're mine, now. My future wife in two short days and the mother of my future child that could even now be inside you. Nobody hurts what's mine," David said with a note of finality.

Nodding, JJ said, "I think I'm ready to go home and climb in our bed and have a repeat performance. After I apologize to daddy, okay?"

"Whatever you want, Bella…as long as you mean it about the repeat performance."

"Oh, I do," she said, leaning forward to kiss his lips again.

Hand on the door, David stilled her. "And, Bella.."

Turning, she asked, "Yeah?"

"I couldn't have asked for a better bachelor party in this lifetime or the next!"

Laughing, JJ opened the door.


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Note: Without Tonnie's continued support, this story would never have taken place. Now, do ya'll want to see the wedding or not? Review or PM and let me know if it is worth continuing!**

**Chapter 12**

As David Rossi drug his future wife into the broom closet, Tom's eyes were drew back to Emma's laughing form. "Exactly what about our daughter acting like a common whore are you amused by, Emma?"

"Oh, put a sock in it, Tom. She's going in there with the man she's gonna MARRY…not some nameless John. Besides, I seem to remember that when I did that for you quite a few years ago, I got a marriage proposal out of the deal!"

Biting his lip, Tom looked at Emma. Damn the woman was STILL gorgeous. "Care to go for a short walk around the block, woman?"

"Promise to take me in the alley?" Emma asked suggestively.

"Would you like to visit the back alley with me, Emma?" Tom asked with a raised brow.

"I couldn't think of anything I'd enjoy more right now," Emma giggled.

"Let's go, woman," Thomas said, wrapping an arm around Emma's narrow waist and guiding her out the door.

***

Sidling up to Gibbs, he looked down into her dark eyes with a grin. "I figured you had something to do with that get up she was in, Abs."

Grinning as she plopped herself into his lap, Abby shrugged. "Of course I did, Gibbs. Did you expect anything less from me?" Leaning over to whisper in his ear, Abby murmured suggestively, "And I picked us up a thing or two, too. You might be a little surprised by what I have planned for you tonight. JJ's outfit was tame to what I found to tempt you with."

Feeling his body harden beneath her, Gibbs grinned. "It's time to make our goodbyes, woman!"

***

In the corner, Hotch and Emily still stood glaring at each other.

"I said that I didn't know anything about this, Emily! You've got to believe me!" Snagging Morgan's arm, Hotch ordered, "Tell her!"

"It's true, Em. All the guys were innocent," Morgan confessed.

Garcia joined the group at that moment and smacked Morgan on the shoulder, saying, "And, trust me, this man will be paying for years to come for this little error in judgment."

Still glaring, Emily directed her gaze at Hotch. "That still doesn't explain why you just stayed in your seat. No, you all just HAD to see the show!"

"Honey," Hotch sighed, "how long am I in the doghouse for?"

"I'm reserving judgment on that!" Emily retorted.

Looking around, Garcia asked, "What exactly happened to our little stripper and her fiancee?"

Tony laughed as he pointed to the closed broom closet door. "The last I saw, Dave was doing his he-man impression and dragging my little sis in there kicking and screaming. Last I heard though, there was a LOT of moaning and groaning coming from that direction. I'm pretty sure that none of us need to interrupt them, do you?"

Everyone unanimously agreed with that statement and quickly diverted their eyes.

***

As David and Jennifer slipped out of the room, they were met with several amused faces. Blushing furiously, JJ buried her face in Dave's neck.

"It's all right, Cara Mia. I think everyone in this room is aware of the fact that I have an exceedingly difficult time keeping my hands off you," he murmured.

"But my parents," JJ moaned against his neck.

"Actually, Bella," Dave said, looking around, "I don't see either of them."

Twirling around on her bar stool, Garcia grinned happily. "Look, guys, it's our happy couple! And, if I'm not mistaken, I'm fairly certain their a bit happier than they were before! Don't you all think?"

Still feeling the effects of all the scotch she'd downed, JJ leaned heavily against her man. "Yeah, and I think you're partially responsible for at least part of the liquor, Garcia."

Shrugging, Garcia said nonchalantly, "Abs, Emma and I figured we weren't gonna get you in that outfit any other way, Gum Drop!"

"We'll have a chat one day, Garcia, about your devious little tactics," growled Rossi.

Looking around the room again, JJ asked, "Has anybody seen my parents? They didn't leave, did they? I know daddy is probably upset…"

Tony laughed as he said, "I think that they…"

Cutting him off, Hotch calmly shook his head. "I think they might have gone for a walk. It appeared they had a few things to discuss."

Glancing at her future husband in horror, JJ gasped, "We've gotta find them, honey! Mama will kill Daddy if they spend too much time together!" as she headed for the door.

Moving in front of the door, Penelope held up a hand. "Before you go, we'd like to give you two a small bachelor/bachelorette present. I don't think Morgan has paid enough for his part in tonight's activities therefore, we are volunteering to take Henry for the rest of the night.

Glancing at a grinning Rossi, she heard him lean in and whisper into her ear, "I believe you did promise me a repeat performance of our earlier activities, Bella. And, I'm sure we don't want our son hearing some of the things that came from your lips, now, do we?"

Smiling at Garcia, JJ nodded. "That would be great, guys. We really appreciate it!"

"Oh hell, Garcia, I love that little munchkin as much as you do, but ALL NIGHT!" Morgan whined.

Glaring at Morgan, Rossi reminded him, "That's MY SON you're talking about, young man! I expect you to get up with him every time it looks like he's thinking about crying! We clear?"

Pulling Morgan's keys from his pocket, she threw them at Rossi. "You'll need those, Secret Agent Man. Mr. Mom, over here, he's gonna ride with me and Superbaby!"

Thanking them again, JJ and Rossi made there way outside.

"Where could my parents be?" JJ asked.

Glancing toward the alley, Dave nodded. "Let's see if they're back here, babe."

Walking around the corner of the building, Dave suddenly realizes the sounds that he's begun to here. Grabbing JJ by the arm and turning her away quickly, Dave said, "Honey, maybe we need to let your parents work out their own differences. You never know how that could turn out."

Stopping in her tracks, JJ asked, "David, what's wrong? I really need to talk to daddy and explain this whole stupid thing to him!" As she finished speaking, JJ's ears perked up as she heard her mother and father laughing. Eyes widening, she looked up into her future husband's laughing eyes. "DAVID! Surely they aren't…"

Pulling her tighter against him, David turned and walked her toward the waiting SUV.

"David, those are my parents! My parents that hate each other. For years, David. Years. And they were…."

Pressing her against the SUV, David whispered, "Oh honey, I'm pretty sure what they were doing. And if you don't mind, I'd really like to stop thinking about your parents doing it and move my mind to the part where we go home to our empty house and continue doing what we were doing."

As he dropped a kiss to her mouth, JJ smiled. "Well, it's a definite given that we'll never forget this party, isn't it?"

Grinning back at her, David replied deeply, "Oh, honey, I'll NEVER forget you in that outfit. That's a promise!"

"Well, take me home and I'll make sure that you see it again…and for the rest of our lives."

Nodding, Rossi murmured, "Just a few more days, honey, and you'll be mine forever."

Kissing him, JJ whispered, "I'm already yours. But our wedding is going to be wonderful, isn't it?"

"I guarantee it, baby. It's gonna be absolutely perfect and everything you want. I promise you that," David replied with a smile.

"I believe you, David. The perfect wedding…I just can't wait!"

**Author's Note: Now, readers, would you like a trilogy. Would you like to see the "perfect" wedding?**


	13. Author's Note

**Dear loyal and faithful readers,**

**I wanted to let everyone know what has been happening in my life recently, which might explain why I have not been writing and posting as quickly as before. A few weeks ago, I injured my back and neck, resulting in pulled muscles, pinched nerves, and several other severe conditions. Needless to say, I have been under the influence of several painkillers and other meds, which, along with the pain, have seriously affected my ability to continue the writing pace that I had set. Keeping up with my children, husband, and family has taken what little strength I had left.. **

**Fortunately, my doctor may have finally found the right treatment, and along with new meds, I will be starting physical rehab soon. It has been a long and hard few weeks, but I hope that, soon, there will be a light at the end of this torturous tunnel. **

**Please bear with me as I regain my strength and return to my normal life! I love writing my fanfics, and I appreciate your continued faithfulness. If not for my friends, Tonnie, Susan and Michelle, I would have lost what was left of my proverbial mind. But, with their constant and unwavering support, as well as my husband's, I am persevering and hope that I (and my partner in crime, Tonnie) continue to bring you the quality of writing that we hope you enjoy!**

**ilovetvalot (AKA Tracia)**


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